This post was originally sent through my author newsletter on June 23rd, 2023. To subscribe to my newsletter and receive up-to-date news, musings, and more, click HERE.
Few things make you more aware of the unrelenting passage of time than your child having a birthday.
My daughter just turned six. Six!!
Typing that, my mind scurries down a rabbit hole: Didn't she just turn five? And four? And three? Where's that video of her dancing, the day she turned two? Remember when she was a toddler? Six years ago, I was in the hospital with a newborn! Wow, remember not being a mom? When my first book came out, parenthood was still over two years away! And back, and back, and back it goes.
I'm not this way about my own birthday. Other big milestones don't send me skittering through time like this. But becoming a parent is cataclysmic. It puts everything else into perspective and forever separates your life into "before" and "after."
There's another element to my current nostalgia trip: last year at this exact time, my daughter and husband both had Covid. Everything in our life screeched to a halt. She was in quarantine on her birthday. Her party was postponed. She missed her dance recital and her PreK graduation and the entire last week of school. I think I'm still processing 2022's massive disappointment-bomb, because this year, I've been knotted with anxiety since the start of June. I've been bracing for everything to go wrong, like it did last year. Each time we passed a big moment without it getting canceled—her dance recital, her kindergarten stepping-up ceremony, her birthday party, her actual birthday—I felt a little lighter. I could breathe a little easier.
So here we are. We made it.
(Knock on wood...)
I'm not generally a "glass half-empty" person. I don't usually expect the worst. I don't send manuscripts to my agent or editor anticipating that they'll hate them. I don't pour my heart into my work while also being certain no one will ever read it. I look for the best. I hope.
And no, things don't always work out the way I want them to. Sometimes, my books don't sell. Sometimes, readers don't like them.
Sometimes isn't all the time.
Last year, my daughter was sick and in quarantine on her birthday. This year, she wasn't. This year, every plan went off without a hitch.
Sometimes isn't all the time.
I've noticed a theme in my newsletters, over the past couple weeks. I've written several times about something being hard, and then remembering to trust myself and my experience. I've reminded myself that I know what I'm doing. That things being hard now doesn't mean they'll always be that way.
On the topic of looking back in time, I wouldn't always have been able to give myself those reminders. Six years and a few days ago, I wasn't a parent. A decade ago, I'd never published a book. Fifteen years ago, I'd never written a whole novel. I know things now that I didn't know six or ten or fifteen years ago. I know myself now, in a way that I didn't six or ten or fifteen years ago.
If my daughter's birthdays must make me prone to bouts of emotional time travel, I may as well reflect on what's changed for the better.
And hopefully, next year, I won't spend June bracing for disaster. Hopefully, I can enjoy all of the celebrations the month brings. Sometimes isn't all the time, and if you get stuck in the sometimes, you might miss all of the amazingness the rest of the time can bring.
~Kathryn
What I'm:
Reading: I had another eye specialist follow-up, and both eyes had to be dilated for examination, so it was the perfect time to start another audiobook! I've been listening to The True Love Experiment by Christina Lauren. It's a romance about a romance novel writer who teams up with a TV producer to create a reality dating show. The twist: she's the star, and he's not one of the guys she's supposed to be falling for...
Watching: "Silo" on AppleTV+ is so great, and you should all be watching it. Plus, the first episode of Marvel's "Secret Invasion" dropped this week on Disney+. Summer of sci-fi, anyone?
Baking: Last weekend's mermaid cupcakes turned out great. Check my Instagram for photos! I also made banana chocolate chip muffins for my daughter's classroom birthday celebration on Wednesday. One of her friends told me it was the best muffin he'd ever eaten in his whole life. ;)
Loving: Baking with my kiddo. Here she is, painting strawberry mermaid tails as decorations for her cupcakes. (Give this gal something sparkly or shiny and watch her go!)
