This post was originally sent through my author newsletter on December 9th, 2022. To subscribe to my newsletter and receive up-to-date news, musings, and more, click HERE.
Recently, I posted a slightly vulnerable Instagram caption about experiencing imposter syndrome. I'd spent the past couple days trying to draft out a virtual writing workshop I will be leading (Writing Fun and Feelings in Chapter Books) in January for the Metro NY chapter of the Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators. I'd brainstormed pages and pages of ideas and tips and recommendations, but it wasn't coming together as a workshop. It didn't flow.
I was floundering.
Meanwhile, I'd just seen a post in a chapter book writers Facebook group I'm a member of alerting people to this upcoming workshop. "Anyone going to this?" the poster asked. "It sounds great!"
The workshop did sound great—based on the synopsis I'd pitched months ago. (Yes, I pitched this workshop! All of the stress I've felt about it is completely my own fault!) But as of last Friday, I simply couldn't make it work. That's where the imposter syndrome slithered in. A useful topic idea, sure to be informative and engaging...but what makes you think you're the right person to teach it?
I hit a wall. I closed the document on my computer. I didn't look at it over the weekend, or during my workday on Monday. And then, on Tuesday (admittedly after a bit of nervous procrastinating), I opened up a new presentation on Google Slides. I started trying to find the bullet points in the mess of brainstorming I'd done last week. I looked for themes and highlights. Big-picture advice, and then the more granular tips and specific examples and personal anecdotes that would fit under each umbrella.
By Wednesday, I had an outline—which meant I had a workshop.
I still have a lot more to do, of course. Now that I know the basic structure of my talk, I need to script out what I want to say for each slide and bullet point. And then I need to loop in my Class Critters editor; the workshop will be a conversation between the two of us, albeit with me taking the lead. I'm sure she'll have some points I haven't thought of. And then...I have to practice the thing, so I'm not looking at notes the whole workshop!
But right now, a week after feeling like there was no way I could do this—I know I can. I just have to make it happen.
Why share this process? Because it is not at all uncommon, in my writing career as well as for just about every writer (and creator) that I know.
Every single time I revise a novel—and my husband will attest to this!—there is a point where I throw my hands in the air and shout, "I broke the book!" It is officially too much of a mess to clean up. Too difficult of a puzzle to solve.
Until, eventually, I figure it out.
This happens with my freelance writing too. My dance articles, for instance: some of them practically write themselves (I've been doing this for 15 years, after all). But then, every once in a while, I encounter a story that just will...not...come...together. The interviews were productive. I know my subject matter. But it won't turn into a cohesive, concise story.
Until, eventually, I figure it out.
Why would crafting a writing workshop be any different?
And yet, in that moment of crisis, I'm always certain that this will be the one I can't figure out. This will be the deadline I miss, or the piece of writing that gets rejected—or the workshop that flops. So I'm documenting my latest dive into imposter syndrome here, as a reminder to myself the next time I'm in the weeds: I do know what I'm doing. I've been here before, and I've found my way through to the other side.
~Kathryn
What I'm:
Reading: I finally got around to reading The Marvellers by Dhonielle Clayton, after having it on my list for months—and it did not disappoint! Dhonielle has written a vibrant new take on the magical school genre. Ella Durand is the first Conjuror child allowed to attend the Arcanum Institute for Marvellers. As she's trying to prove that her magic is every bit as valid as theirs—that she fits in and belongs at the Institute—a mystery unfolds involving a criminal from decades ago escaping from prison. With whimsical writing, an evocative and fully fleshed-out world, and diverse characters, this series is definitely going to be a new kidlit classic.
Watching: "Wednesday" on Netflix. There were a few plot holes, and the dark tone was pretty different than past "kooky" entries in the Addams Family canon, but overall, we liked it!
Listening to: Did you know there is a Hanukkah rip-off/parody of "Shake it Off"? I found this when my daughter wanted to listen to Hanukkah music the other night. Here it is. You're welcome.
Loving: This picture of "Santu," as lovingly depicted by my 5-year-old.
